Something has happened that is cause for celebration but it’s hard to put it in words yet again I will try. This is the plight of the writer. It is with Joy that I write this with a tear in my eye, because I am finally free, feeling safe, and looking forward to the rest of my life like never before. The New Day I have always written and dreamed about is here! My years of torture and abuse at the hands of one man can now be laid to rest, because he is finally dead. I won’t mention his name, not because I am protecting his anonymity, but because I believe that naming names only would keep him alive. He is dead and I am finally free! My sister Pamela found his obituary and delivered the news to me on the phone. The elation and freedom I felt is hard to explain, but I will never forget the way I felt as I cried tears of Joy and burst out of my house with her on the other end exclaiming out my front door pouring my voice into the neighborhood, “Oh Pam, I am so happy!” The Sun was shining outside but it didn’t compare to the burning of joy I felt inside as I cried, “Thank you. Thank you for telling me!” The cruelest and most sadistic predator of my childhood and early adulthood has died and it is now that I feel I can truly live! The wicked witch is dead! If you read my book, Haunting Lucidity, you will understand the depth of my torturous past and will understand it is why I am writing this with elation of the news of his passing. I am finally free and I thank God, Jesus, and the power of the Holy Spirit which is the only reason I have survived all that I have withstood.
My foundation has been shook for good and I am about to have a homecoming with two of my sisters which I cannot wait to wrap my arms around them and truly enjoy every present moment now without the constant ball of fear always in the back of my brain somewhere. I want to alert the media, really, because all of my friends, coworkers over the course of my entire work here in Lewis County, my ex-husbands, everyone who has ever known me and listened as I have done my presentations and have spent any time with me have known the effect this one man had on my entire being.
Now my chains are gone! Praise God! I Rejoice in the Love that constantly saved me again and again. All of my teachers, mentors, coworkers, my sisters, and my friends need to know that I have a new lease on life and I can finally walk, “the beauty way” with a skip in my step and a song I can sing with my whole heart.
My life is a string of pearls/I am walking in miracles/ and I am creating murals of love inside of myself and in the colors of people…
This is all I can write about it now. As a trauma survivor I tried to wrap my arms around the world so to speak telling my story in fits and starts, in pieces, as I recovered them. It’s high time I can now rest and be still because I’ve been running for so long. I can finally slow down, take the pause, and engage with people in a whole new way. I don’t need to hide behind a metaphor. I can speak and relate on a new level.
As always, thanks for reading and thanks for listening to what I have to say. It Is a New Day!
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